Newsgroups: alt.shenanigans
From: dzhines@kimbark.uchicago.edu (David Hines)
Subject: Re: SonofDormPranks, the fiery episode!

In article <00072E9C.fc@pop.com> Rick_Lazzarini@pop.com (Rick Lazzarini) 
writes:
>You takes your powdered coffee creamer packet, you open it, you shake it,
>sifting, at arm's length, over a lit match. VOILA! POOF! A scientific
>demonstration of why dust bins blow up! Do THIS in the cafeteria! FLAME CONE
>CITY!

Coffeemate works beautifully for this. One day, somebody on my floor saw fit
to teach the flaming-Coffeemate stunt to a fellow named Kevin. Kevin is a
maniac. He was so overjoyed by the aesthetics of this stunt that he went
out and bought the biggest box of Coffeemate he could find.

That evening, Kevin wandered into my room. I was in there with two friends,
just hanging out while pretending to work. Kevin said, "Hey guys, check
this!" He performed the stunt. FWOOMP. An impressive fireball appeared.
We reacted.

"Holy shit!" I yelled. "What the hell was that?"
"Coffeemate!" smiled Kevin proudly. He did it again. FWOOMP.
"Jesus," one of my friends remarked.
Kevin beamed. He shook a *huge* amount of Coffeemate out (Kevin is fairly
tall, so when he held his arm up at an angle he attained some impressive
hang time for the Coffeemate). As the massive amount of Coffeemate
descended slowly, Kevin struck his lighter and touched the bottom of
the spill.

It was like World War Three. Suddenly, a flaming waterfall appeared
from nowhere. I felt the heat on my face, and my eyebrows withered
a little (at least that's how it felt). The FWOOMP dwarfed those that
had preceded it. A little puddle of flame hit the floor, and the carpet
caught fire.

I was about to stamp it out, but then remembered my feet were only 
protected with socks. Kevin stopped the fire quickly, but the smoke
detector went off. I quickly tore it from the ceiling and pulled out
the battery.

There was a pause. I glared at Kevin, who only giggled. He exited,
leaving my room filled with smoke and reeking of burned Coffeemate,
a smell which strongly resembles toasted marshmellos.

Kevin's not allowed in my room any more.